Upon realizing this, I grabbed my journal and out of frustration I wrote to God, “I JUST WANT MY HEART BACK!”  I then took the time to imagine myself going up to each and every person who I had irresponsibly given my heart to and collected each ad every piece until I had this mound of torn pieces sitting in front of me.  “Okay God,” I said. “Now what do I do?  I know this will hurt, but is there any way I can get that repaired and given back to me?” 

This is when God gently nudged me and turned my head back to my journal where I had out of frustration wrote something that HE had been saying to ME all along: “I JUST WANT MY HEART BACK!”  If I took my heart back for myself it would be useless because I’d only toss it back into a garbage disposal or leave it to be taken to the landfill with all my other earthly desires.  My body is full of sin and earthly desires that is attracted to destruction. What I needed to do was give my heart back to God, fully and completely.  This is the only way my heart will be in the right hands, the hands of the one who created it and understands it more than I do.  He is the only one who has the power to remake it and put it back where it truly belongs.  I can’t handle it because my heart isn’t truly mine!  It’s His and He was been pleading with me this whole time “I JUST WANT MY HEART BACK!” but I’ve causally shrugged Him off every time, ensuring Him I know what I’m doing and I can handle it.  But God has an ultimate and divine plan for my life and my heart that I will never be able to understand it because of His perfection He wants to display to me.

I had my beautiful white wedding gown on and the ceremony had begun.  He had shown me what his ultimate design for me was and what He wanted to do with my life.   I had already walked down the aisle and we were in the middle of our vows, but as He reached down to draw me close to Him, in a stubborn and child-like rebellion I yanked my hands away and fled.  I bolted and hid.  I ran as far as I could and into the deepest corner possible.  I had run away from God.  I was scared of what His plans were for me and was tired of what other people thought of me.  I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I was embarrassed of!  Overwhelmed and ashamed I did what I thought would be best: I made my mind think of other things.  “I don’t need God to be happy.  I just need… something else.  God, I’ll come back when I’m ready.” 

And as quickly as I drew myself away from the light, the darkness just as quickly consumed me.  I didn’t have a defense against sin anymore and I was building walls to block God out from helping me.  His light was still pouring in through the windows of these walls but I didn’t even notice there were windows (or a door!).  I built myself quite a lovely whitewashed tomb(Matthew 23:7).   Everything  seemed intricate and beautiful on the outside but was full of decay once you pass the doorway.  God was knocking on the door and all I had to do was open it, but I couldn’t hear Him knocking because I had filled my life with NOISE.  I was following all the steps to look like a good Christian and when you looked at me I seemed fine, but I was following human footsteps and not God’s.  As a result of this, I was watching my life crumble.  It was becoming meaningless and was being consumed by things that had me running in circles trying to fill a hole that could only be filled by real love, God’s love… And then I shattered:

 God wants His heart back, and He’s just waiting to mend your broken heart if you are willing to give your heart to Him.  He’s there and He’s listening and waiting.  God’s love is REAL and unfailing and the best One to trust with your heart is the One who has breathed life into your body and soul and saved you from sin.  You are beautiful in his sight and your heart is His masterpiece.  He’s reaching out to you and waiting for you to say, “Yes, I’m ready.”

God, take Your heart back!  You are the only One who will truly complete my life and mend my brokenness.  I’m a mess without You.  Take all that I am now and make it Yours and I will be filled with Your great love and understand the person You’ve constructed me to be.  I want to know You more and more each day.  Speak to my heart and free my soul from this dead life I’ve had.  I want to be renewed in You so I can spend eternity with You.  YOU ARE LOVE!

Ah, it was a hard lesson to learn and I know that re-mending a heart has got to be painful business, but it is so worth it! All things that were once dead in my body can be alive again and better than they ever were before!  God is restoring me to the person He has originally created me to be.

“O Lord my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me from all who pursue me, or they will tear me like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me.” Psalm 7:1-2

Socially we need to change.  We need people in our generation who care about their own lives and others around them enough to realize there is more to life than pleasing others!  True love and happiness come from much greater tings, and how much greater would the world be if we all spent our time focusing on these things, rather than wasting their time… getting wasted.  Begin thinking of all the things you can be doing with your life instead of spending your social time drinking.  I’m calling you to do something more with your life, now it’s up to you to do something about it!

I became specifically interested in a ‘Bible Study’ that occured on Monday nights just because I wasn’t sure if I agreed with the Bible, but at the same time it seemed to have a lot of awesome things to say that seemed to apply directly to my life.  One Monday night (May 22, 2006) the group did something very interesting.  The leader took the group of us over to the Sacramento River levee and was very straight-forward when he said, “If you guys have any problems with God, anything that’s distracting you from knowing Him, now is the time to get it out.  If you want something, ask Him for it.  If you’re lacking faith, figure it out.  Pick a spot along the levee, look at God’s creations and just hang out with Him.  Talk to Him about anything you want and see what He has to say.”  I was a little surprised and slightly uncomfortable when He said this because I had learned about God and had tried to pray before, but I’d never really tried in expectations of getting a reply.  I was scared of really praying because I was scared of not getting a response.  But I tried it out.

Actually, I first wandered along the railroad tracks (Yeah, this levee has old railroad tracks that go across the top) throwing rocks at my friends.  But after noticing that they didn’t want to play along I took my Bible and found a cozy spot to sit and throw rocks into the river.  I was sittin’ there, trying to think of ways to get attention from people around me, when I started to think back on the words the youth leader was saying.  “If God is there, why can’t I see Him?” I asked myself.  I looked around at the nature around me and thought, “There’s got to be a God… someone who created all of the intricate detail in trees, the sky, the river, and me…I think.” 

At this point, I really wanted to test my theory.  If God is there, then everything must have a “divine plan”… right?  So, I took out my Bible and started thumbing through the pages and praying at the same time.  I was praying to whoever was out there listening, if there was someone.  “God, if you exist, do you think that you could show me a miracle?  Just so I can be sure?  I don’t want you to talk, I want to SEE something.  Something that proves to me that you’re there and you LOVE.”  And since my mind wanders easily, try to picture me talking, thumbing through my Bible, and at the same time taking breaks to look around me picking out what kind of miracle I’d want.  Now, if you knew me you’d know that I LOVE hearts.  If I had a pencil in my hand I was either doodling stick people of hearts.  I remember liking hearts after watching a girl in my class draw them around her name and decided I wanted hearts on EVERYTHING.  So, I already knew my miracle had to involve a heart.  I wanted something no one else had and something I wouldn’t ever forget so I would DEFINITELY know God was there… And while I was pondering my situation and looking around, I looked at the rocks I was previously throwing into the river (and occasionally at other people).  And then this almost-brilliant idea seemed to quickly run in then out of my head, “What if I had a heart-shaped rock?”  As soon as I thought that I tried to push it out of my thoughts because it seemed impossible and I didn’t have much time to go around looking for rocks.  Acknowledging my doubt, I decided to go for something a little easier, like a special bible verse that spoke to me.  The leader told us that Psalms was a good place to start reading because it was interesting but didn’t have a specific story that you had to follow.  But every time I tried to read my mind kept refocusing on how cool it would be to get a heart-shaped rock from God.  One made just for me, before I was made.  Something that proved there was a divine plan.  But as soon as I started to dwell on the thought again, I’d push it out with the verses I was reading.

Then, one verse I read was so passionate and moving that I knew that was exactly what I wanted.  Psalm 63:1:  O God, you are my God,
       earnestly I seek you;
       my soul thirsts for you,
       my body longs for you,
       in a dry and weary land
       where there is no water.

I realized that my life was that dry land and I wanted that passion and love David had for God.  I wanted to know a REAL love and have something eternal and perfect to really LIVE for.  I quickly decided that I didn’t need a rock to prove God’s existence, all I needed was His love in my life and that would sustain me.  I asked God to fill the hole that was in my heart with His presence and that prayer was answered.  After that, I knew I had more  of a purpose to my life.  I began to laugh at the thought of ever wanting something like a heart-shaped rock.  Quickly after, the youth leader called everyone back to where we were meeting and I left my spot to join them. 

I was so completely content with my decision to believe in God that as I got up from where I was sitting it took me a few seconds to realize what had caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.  A rock.  It was just a rock but I thought I’d still try it out and pick it up.  My jaw dropped and I’m sure I immediately got chills running up and down my spine… I can’t really describe the great amount of joy I had upon looking at the rock after picking it up.  It was a heart-shaped rock.  Just a regular gray color and feel but the most unique but natural-looking shape. (Picture: http://tiffanycarter.wordpress.com/my-rock ) I was in shock for a while and then gathered my thought and ran to tell the group of the miracle God just gave me.  I didn’t still need the rock for anything but God still provided it, so I would always have the assurance that He is there.  And loves me. (See bottom of page for link to picture)

I may not be perfect, but I know Someone perfect who is always there to listen to my prayers. 

Psalm 62:2  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (NIV)

http://tiffanycarter.wordpress.com/my-rock

Everyone has a role model.  For you, it might be a significant other, an actor in your favorite television show (although there aren’t many inspiring shows around anymore), your favorite singer, a popular athlete, a best friend you tell your secrets to, or maybe just a person you know, who you feel you can relate to.  Role models are usually people who immediately stick out in a crowd because there is something significant about them, that makes them appear as if they’re a smidget better than others around them.  At school, children are told at a very young age to find someone they look up to and they either write a paper about them or present their ideas to the class.  Until they reach around the age of thirteen most kids are watching their parents,  peers, and teachers to figure out who their role model should be.  They watch everyone around them and see what kind of role models those people are watching and admiring. 

My first “role model” was my grandfather, because he passed away when I was three years old and growing up I heard a lot about the great things he did for other people.  His reoccuring name and the brokenness my mother had in her heart from missing him made me think that he was a good role model.  I thought he could be someone I talk about all the time too.  But my grandfather wasn’t actually there for me to look up to, so I could understand more about how I should live my life.  I had questions to ask my role model but was never specifically told who that person was.  And Britney Spears just wasn’t cutting it for me (she seemed really cool when I was young!).  

And most role models aren’t there for us.  Most of the time when we look up to someone it’s because we assume they’re the type of person who doesn’t need people of their own to look up to.  They’re strong, independent people who seem to have their lives already put together.  But those people we most often look up to in society (especially celebrities) are the people who in REAL life (bringing you back to earth) care about us the least.  And most people who are popular with everyone don’t know of our existence.  The whole world knows when a celebrity dies but that star’s number one fan dies and they’ll have no clue.

There are people we look up to that do love us in return for all the love we give to them, but I’m going to tell you something that shouldn’t surprise you: they aren’t perfect.  “Nobody’s perfect,” is a first reaction to a statement such as the one I made.  So when it comes to role models we admire the people in our life who are the closest to achieving our definition of perfection. 

What is your definition of perfection?   When you picture someone who is perfect, what are qualities they have?  Maybe beauty, or obtaining just the right amount of skills in a sport, in socializing, or obtaining wealth. 

From that, let’s take a better perspective on the definition of perfection.  What is perfect, should be eternal.  Why is this?  Because something that is temporary isn’t something you really want to have!  Don’t you want to have something or someone that will always be there?  Never dies or fails you?  What are some things that are eternal?  Love is the first thing that comes to my mind.  It’s something that never fails and binds up any wounds we have.  Real love can look at the person who just stabbed them in the back and look them in the eyes and say, “I Love You even still.”  Another perfect characteristic would be never letting anyone down.  Without sin, sin being anything that brings you or others regrets, feeling guilty, or tearing down anything good. 

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a PERFECT role model to look up to?  Someone who we’re always sure that they’re making the right decisions?  There is!  God is perfect because God is love.  He is eternal and is always there for you.  God is the creator of everything and is so indescribable that we can’t even grasp how far His perfection extends.  It’s hard for us who are temporarily here on earth to grasp the concept of eternity as the people around us are constantly dissapointing us. 

Without God we have a constant hole in our hearts and we’re turning to things that will never satisfy us.  Money, fame, ‘significant others’, and beauty are some things we try to put in our hearts to find satisfcation.  But we come to the realization that those things are all temporary.  No matter how much wealth or fame we acquire while here on earth, we still all have the same fate.  Death.  Unless we plan to have eternal life with God.  With God in our lives we are given a purpose.  We’re given real love and real happiness, and we find rest.  God offers eternity with Him if you just confess you aren’t perfect and you believe in His son, Jesus Christ who has died for us, being beaten and whipped and having his hands and feet nailed to a cross.

Jesus Christ being sent to earth for us, only further proves God’s perfection and love for us!  Jesus wasn’t just any man.  He was there when we were first thought of, when the earth was formed.  God’s son is a part of God.  As if God tore off some of Himself and sent it to earth and allowed the world to tear at Him in order to forgive our sins.  Animal sacrifices that people used to do only temporarily covered the peoples sins as those animals were innocent and didn’t understand sin, but Jesus understood sin, remained perfect to set an example on how to live and then sacrificed Himself so we would understand how much he really loved us and doing this He got rid of the burden of feeling guilty and having to constantly offer sacrifice.  Jesus Christ coming to earth completely prove how perfect God’s love is.  God came to earth and showed how he understood trials we went through as he went through all the same temptations we did.  And while He was on earth He was still able to avoid sin all because he chose to obey God.  And how blessed are those who obey God!  They not only get rid of guilt but they get to live eternally with God!  Jesus cleansed us of our sins so we can be forgiven and gain the perfection to live with God forever.

 WHAT is the point of living your life for anyone else? Will it give you overall happiness and fulfillment? No, not overall. So what should be the driving force in your life? God.
When someone centers their life on things of this world, all it will lead to is, disaster.  Heart break, a broken life, and dissapointment. If a person thinks that the point of their life is to find their one true love, get married, and life happily ever after… thats not going to work out as well as planned. God is love. (1 John 4:8). No one can have true love without having God centered in it.

If you have God centered in your life you will be constantly blessed.  You are being used for his will and PERFECTION and PURITY is working through YOU. Accepting God into your life turns you around and upside down and its worth every turn. Living your life for something or someone of this earth will only lead you to dead ends and you’ll never be satisfied with your life. These things aren’t perfect and don’t have a GREAT ETERNAL PLAN for you. God does.

God will use you for a greater purpose… God gave us his son so we could experience greatness, perfection, and purity to the fullest while we are still here on earth and so we could experience complete perfection eternally with him. But if we aren’t doing his will and giving every idol we have here on earth to him, how can we be used, how can we be blessed?

Make God the Driving Force in Your Life! Let Him Take The Wheel! This world has nothing to offer, but God has already offered so many things to you already!

“This world is fading away, along with everything it craves, but if you do the will of God you will live forever.” 1 John 2:17

“Why are you downcast O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:11

Also refer to a song by Todd Agnew: Glorious Day

What’s up with Christmas?  What’s behind the meaning of Christmas?  How do we achieve this so-called “Christmas Spirit?”  What’s the big deal anyway?

Our natural instinct when we think of Christmas is to think of somewhere along the line of a great abundance of receiving and giving presents, Santa Claus, the snow, and being with family.  And don’t get me wrong, all of these things we use to spread Christmas joy are great.  But the REAL meaning of Christmas is often overlooked and treated as an old bedtime story.  This “story” though, has a lot to offer not just to Christmas, but to your life!  This story, being a historical event, is meant to change your life forever.  It’s hard to believe your life can change dramatically on Christmas but the news I’m giving to you is the best present that will ever be given to you.

It’s the birthday of Jesus Christ.  God sent His son to earth through a virgin, to keep him pure and set apart from the rest of the world.  This innocent child grew to be the man who died for all sins we’ve done in our lives.  He was perfect but surrendered to God’s will to be sacrificed for us.  So what I’m asking of us this day, is to sacrifice our original thoughts on Christmas of preparing to open presents and understand Jesus’ purpose a little more…

This birth of a baby in a manger is so much more than just a birth.  Jesus was born into God’s perfect will.  His entire life, from the beginning of His birth, was devoted to serving His Father, our Creator.  Then, not only was He dedicated… He loved.  By having a genuine and compassionate love from His father He has an awesome and beautiful love for us. 

And His death on the cross was for our birth.  Our “re-birth” in Him.  We don’t have to crucify ourselves to serve Him and be with Him though.  We have the privilidge of just being in awe of His prescence and love Him in return for all the love He has given us already.  We just needc to be  willing to admit we aren’t perfect.  Everyone screws up and falls flat on their face, everyone has turned away from God and has sinned.  And the amount of sin we’ve commited doesn’t even matter because God’s perfect love is always willing to forgive use.   We are sinners and want something new.  We want a better life, with God’s love to make us perfect as He already is.  All we need to do is recognize Him.  Not only is it perfect love… it’s eternal.

For God So Loved The World That He Gave His One And Only Begotten Son, That Whosoever Believes In Him Will Not Perish But Have Eternal Life.  (John 3:16)

So I’m asking you to take this Christmas time we have to understand and celebrate the birth of Jesus so that we too can be born into a new and greater life with a divine, perfect, and loving God to guide us.  And to achieve the ultimate “Christmas spirit“ we must embrace the Holy Spirit we’ve been given to guide us, to communicate with us, and to pray for us.  There’s a much greater spirit than Santa Claus, given to us as a gift (a free one) from Jesus Christ.

In conclusion… Just before we open our gifts this Christmas morning let us celebrate the amazing gift we’ve been given: Eternal life with God, and a chance to be considered perfect.

Now, I’m not going to sway you to believe what I say with my relaxed tongue and a confidence that seems to give you every answer you ever needed to run your life smoothly.  I’m a broken and helpless person.  I don’t have a contagious smile or a sense of humor that knocks you off your feet.  I don’t have a winning lottery ticket, a thousand cars, a big beautiful house I can welcome you into. I can’t give you a spouse that you’ll never disagree with and always be perfectly content with.   But I do have one thing that is greater that all the things most people think give the greatest amounts of happiness.  And, this is something I’m always willing to tell you about, and show you… Love.

Not the ‘love‘ you’re immediately thinking of though.  Perfect love.  This is love that heals a broken spirit… that gives a lending hand to those who have fallen.  It’s a beautiful life-changing love that leaves you on your knees begging for more and the knowledge to understand it.  AND, it’s free and lasts forever.  I know this not because I thought up this love to give to you.    And not because I myself can directly give it to you… God is Love.  He created us with His compassionate love and has given each person their own personality, look, and purpose in life.  And because of this wonderful gift He has revealed to me I plan to love Him in return for the rest of my life on earth.  And because His love overflows from my heart, I want to give some to you , so that you can have a better understanding of what His awesome love is all about.  So you have a renewed purpose in your life.  A person to live for, who lived and already died for you. 

Love is how we understand God’s existence.  Love, joy, kindness, and goodness in people’s traits and in their actions aren’t things you can see upfront, touch, or even completely understand.  Because love, along ith joy, kindness, and goodness, are eternal as they are gifts from God to us that he placed in people and surrounds people with. 

So love is all I have with me to offer you.  And it’s only because I’ve asked God to reveal all of His love and sacrifices He’s given to me by wanting His forgiveness and His Spirit living in my heart, mind, and soul.  <3 So just give love a chance and give me a chance to explain me… what I know of me…

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
This then is how we know that we belong to the truth,
and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.
For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”

1 John 3:16-20